Baby Bootcamp: Character Training & Discipline

What is it? Baby Bootcamp is what our family calls intensive child training sessions. The general concept is that we (as the parents) buckle down and become ultra-diligent in our consistency in training. Like many parents, we can become lax in training, letting little incidences slide. Before long, the children are getting out of control; there’s whining, disobedience, rebellious attitudes and general chaos.

Baby Bootcamp is implemented to reaffirm the parents’ position of authority in the home, and to instill two key points that should always go hand-in-hand with child training:

1. First-time Obedience: To bring children to obedience the first-time you ask them to do something. You do not repeat your request mutliple times (often times your voice getting louder and you becoming more frustrated with each request!), you do not count to 3 (or 10 or whatever), you do not argue with the child in what you ask them to do and above all else do not give up until the task is complete! It is imperative that you remain diligent until they obey. If the request isn’t worth the effort, then don’t ask it in the first place! However, the greater point to first-time obedience isn’t always the task itself, but the obedience itself: obedience is as much a heart issue as a physical response.

2. Character Training: every time you discipline a child, you should also character train them; which is to address the wrong heart attitude (read: sin) behind their behavior. Such as: selfishness, anger, laziness, rebellion, etc…, and then to instruct them as to the appropriate heart attitude (read: fruits of the spirit – Galatians 5:22-23 and the definition of love – 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 & 13). In addition, character training should be done separately from discipline. I highly recommend character training as a family study time together. If your children are already being trained in what character traits you expect of them, it makes times of discipline more effective, because they know what they should have been doing and where they sinned.

Bootcamp Basics

Baby Bootcamp is done by keeping your children within your sight so you can catch misbehavior as soon as you see it happening. Some people choose to literally keep their children at their side, others merely keep the children within vision in the same room. This can be done during all waking hours of the day or in smaller increments. The key is that you catch every misbehavior every time without fail! If your children have not already been trained to obey you the first-time, then you may need a full-blown bootcamp with the children right next to you every moment they’re awake so you can be diligent in training them.

Initially, depending on your particular circumstances, you may need to adjust your daily routine (read: relax on the housekeeping for a week or so) to more fully concentrate on the training at hand. The point is that you do not become more involved in doing a task than you are in training the children during this time. It is perfectly acceptible, and advisable!, for you to have the children work with you in simple tasks around the house. This would better enable you to bring about situation where you ask them to do something, and they must immediately obey. I heartily recommend that while you need to maintain a demeanor of the seriousness of the bootcamp training task, so that the children do not think this is just a game that will eventually end, that you can go about your day with joy and happiness!! Don’t make the bootcamp seem like a punishment – it’s a training session to prevent future misbehavior and to instill immediate first-time obedience!!

With my own children, and reports from those who have tried this method, generally you will see dramatic results within just one week. Obviously it all depends on the temperament of your child(ren); some may catch on quicker than others, some children are just more stubborn and not willing to obey so easily. Be diligent!! Once you see your child responding well with first-time obedience, then you can go back to your usual daily routine. You may wish to do this gradually, bootcamping at certain times of the day, and gradually only bootcamping as needed.

Bootcamp Refresher Course

Children being children – they will test the boundaries. It’s then you need to instill a bootcamp refresher course! I usually go back to full-blown basic bootcamp for a day or two, and that usually does it! It’s not uncommon with my more stronger-willed children to have to ‘bootcamp them’ (aka: mini bootcamp; read: have only that child stay right next to me for a period of time during the day, usually in response to more than one failure in a day to obey the first-time asked). I nip in it in the bud early! If I’m finding I need to ‘bootcamp them’ more than once per day, then I do a full bootcamp refresher course. Usually a mini bootcamping does the job.

Bootcamp Style Discipline

While my children are in baby bootcamp, and even when they’re not!; I discipline in the following manner (generally, there are always exceptions).

Mom “Johnny, it’s time to clean up, please put away the blocks.”

Johnny looks at me, I can see he’s thinking about whether or not to obey, and after my waiting for a mintue to see if he complies, he then walks in the other room. He’s now in full disobedience and did not obey what I asked him to do.

I immediately get up, go into the other room. I look Johnny directly in the eye, and ask him what he was supposed to be doing. He should repeat that he was to be picking up blocks, if he does not, you repeat your request to him. I then tell him that he disobeyed by not doing as I asked – I would then give one swat on the bottom, and will take Johnny into the other room again, and ask him to pick up the blocks. Repeating the above process until Johnny picks up the blocks (yes, I would swat each time). It is important not back down and let him out of picking up the blocks.

Once the blocks are picked up, I praise him for obeying and pull Johnny aside to discuss what he did wrong and to build character into him. In this case we would discuss his rebellion in disobedience and I usually quote Ephesians 6:1 (“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”) as it is a simple, short verse and very to the point. The purpose is also for the children to truly be sorry and repent of their sin, and to reaffirm and strengthen the bond and love ties between you and the child with forgiveness and love.

Training Swats vs. Spanking

The swats I use during bootcamp are one or two swats on the bottom, or upper thigh (depending on the clothing being worn). It should be slightly uncomfortable, not harmful. I am not in out of control anger, but it is certainly normal and acceptable to not be happy about their behavior! In other words, I don’t do training swats with a smile on my face, but neither am I in a rage of anger. I’m stern and determined that they will obey and that I’m doing this to literally save them from hell; which is where they will go, if they can’t control themselves and learn to obey a higher power (red: God and parents). This type of obedience is based on blind faith – faith that we, as their parents, are doing what we feel is best for them, even if the child does not understand all the ‘why’s’ and ‘what-fors’ behind our requests and instruction. The same type of blind-faith needed to believe that Jesus died for their sins and to accept him as their Lord and Savior – which is the ultimate goal in raising children in the first place!!!!!

I define spankings as a more serious discipline. It usually involves 3-5 swats, depending on the age of the child and/or the offense. I turn the child over my knee and give the swats. This is only done for openly defiant behavior for an offense the child already clearly knows is wrong, or for life-threatening close-call situations that are of grave seriousness (read: running to the street, wandering off in a crowded place, leaving pre-established safe boundaries, such as the yard, without permission, etc….). When children are properly trained (via Baby Bootcamp) at a young age (beginning before age 1), then spanking should be rare after age 5 or 6.

Training Without Spanking

Is it possible? Yes. Some children do not respond well to spanking and others respond very well to a stern look. I don’t think a parent absolutely, without a doubt, must spank every child to train up obedient children. Nor do I believe that one should dismiss spanking altogether. If you are able to get your child to first-time obedience without spanking or training swats – good for you!! Glory to God! But if you are finding that without spanking, you are repeating your requests over and over, raising your voice in frustration at the lack of obedience and/or are trying other parenting techniques (read: time-outs, counting, removing privileges, etc..) which do not bring about first-time obedience, I would strongly suggest you instill some bootcamp training swats.

The bottom line is back to my General Parenting Philosophy: Do what works for you.

When To Start Training

As soon as my children are able to pull up and start getting into things they shouldn’t (for my kiddos, this is usually around 9 months), I begin training them. I will tell them no, with a stern look on my face, and move the baby away from the object. If they go back again, I will give them a tap on the hand, and remove them again. I usually continue with this process, remaining diligent until the baby gives up the desire for the object in question. I remain calm, and consistent.

As babies are with me all the time anyway, they are born into a bootcamp atmosphere of training. It’s after they are usually walking and exploring their world away from momma a bit, that I then will include them in the more formal bootcamping, as I do with older children.

Important Note

Please understand, spanking is not what Baby Bootcamp, or child training in general, is all about. Even to those who advocate spanking! It’s only a small part of the process, and one, albeit very effective, tool used for training. If you follow the process of bootcamp, as I’ve described it, and you are diligent in expecting first-time obedience you will have happy, well adjusted children and your home will be a joy! Baby Bootcamp does not mean that you train them for a few days, and then you can forget about it! You must remain steadfast and constantly watchful for any negative behaviors and attitudes. While this process does work in establishing the ground rules of expected behavior, you can not slack off in your duties as a parent – but I assure you, after Baby Bootcamp, your job will be easier and you will be able to quickly stop any backslidding into old habits. Your children will be obedient most of the time, with fewer and fewer incidences of disobedience.

Personal Note from Traci: added 2/20/08

I’ve been using this training method for nearly 27 years. I’ve used it with all six of my children and considering that I have a 21 year age gap with those six children, I’ve been parenting over two generations.

A word of warning: I briefly varied from the above methods for a short time with the younger three children. I thought I would give some of these new parenting methods a try. Why not – I don’t claim to know everything. Let me tell you – when you stray from what the word of God tells you to do, especially in regards to how you should parent your children, it gets ugly very quickly. So I went back to the above methods, had to re-train and correct and un-do the “damage” that had been done with other methods; but we did and all is now well and good once again.

So when I write the articles I do: it’s from over a quarter of a century (Wow! That’s a long time!) of personal parenting experience. In addition, I’ve read a lot on parenting, have taught parenting classes, mentored many women in this area and seen first-hand the results of various parenting methods and techniques; and anything that is not based on sound Biblical-based methods, does not work. If the method does not instill Godly character into the children, as part of the training and discipline, don’t go there and get back to basics of Godly child training.

There are literally thousands upon thousands of parenting books and web sites available for parents today. It can be overwhelming knowing which to read or believe. My best advice is to pray and ask God to guide you in your parenting. That God-given advice may lead you to a wonderful parenting resource book or web site, or the advice may be straight from the good Lord himself. But your first step in parenting your children should be to pray.

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