The invention of the internet has been a mixed blessing. It used to be that the values, and how you conducted your home, were learned from either your parents, your church and/or from friends. The same was true in how you dressed. I think most people could easily spot someone immodestly dressed, if it were extreme. But what is being taught in homes and churches about what’s truly appropriate for Christian women (and men) in regard to what they wear? In most homes and churches, not much I’m afraid. It is with all seriousness, and in the spirit of Titus 2, that I address the matter of modesty and femininity.
With the current teen pop culture of scantily clad girls, and a society that is pushing ‘tolerance’ of all
The Look: Does God Really Care What I Wear Buy It - $5.95
lifestyles and choices, it’s no wonder that children are confused as to what’s appropriate. In the majority of homes across the country, the pop stars are role models for these girls. They strive to be like them; with the clothes, looks, popularity and attitude that goes along with it! I’ve seen talk shows where parents are at their wits end with their teen daugthers dressing like prostitutes and the parents saying they don’t understand how and why their daughters got this way.
Let’s look at what the Bible says on the subject of modesty and femininity:
Deuteronomy 22:5 “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this.”
1 Timothy 2:9 “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”
1 Peter 3:3-5 “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.”
It would seem clear from the above verses that we aren’t to dress like men, there should be an obvious difference in our appearance; we need to cover ourselves up properly and shouldn’t overly concern ourselves with expensive clothes and jewelry and that our beauty is to shine from within, via our “gentle and quiet spirit”.
In today’s society, women try to use clothing and hairstyles to make themselves appear beautiful (obviously this was a concern in biblical times as well!), when God is mainly concerned with our heart being right with Him and our attitude toward others. If you’re thinking then, that God must not be concerned with what we wear, consider the following verses:
Matthew 5:27 “You have heard that it was said ‘Do not commit adultery’. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Romans 14:21 “It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything that will cause your brother to fall.”
WOW! That’s some pretty serious warnings. If all it takes for a man to commit adultery is for him to look at a woman lustfully; then I think we, as sisters in Christ, had better seriously consider Romans 14:21 when choosing what clothing we wear. Romans 14:21 makes it clear that we are responsible for the choices we make and how it affects others.
I’ve heard many say that there will be men who will still look lustfully, no matter how a women dresses. That may be true, but that doesn’t mean you have license to push the envelope! And honestly, squabbling over the finer points of modest dress gives the impression of a heart of rebellion in obeying the word of God. Remember, Romans 14 is talking about a brother in Christ. It can be assumed that a fellow Christian would have higher standards than the world (read: unsaved men), so what may not turn a head by worldly standards, may be inappropriate in God’s church of believers.
So what clothing constitutes modest dress? Most definitely dresses for women would be considered modest, and gender appropriate, clothing. Our clothing should be distinctly feminine. Our demeanor and attitude should be feminine. Not suggestive or seductive. Have you noticed that when you put on a dress, your whole attitude changes? You feel more feminine. Your mannerisms are more feminine.
Does this mean that women should never wear pants? In light of Deuteronomy 22:5, I would have to say yes, because it is always clear that dresses are women’s clothing. This would not leave anything open to question. However, I have seen some very immodest dresses and some very modest pants. So I do believe that a woman should seek the word and the Lord for direction on specific articles of clothing she may choose to wear.
It is imperative that Christians take a stand for modesty in today’s world. If you are not a parent, I’m sure there are children in your life (read: nieces, neighbors, friend’s children, etc..) who are watching you. You are still a role model and what you do matters!
Luke 17:2-3 “It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a milstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves.”
Is what you wear worth potentially causing a brother in Christ, or a child, to stumble/sin? It would be best to err on the side of caution, and wear the dresses with a happy heart!
Great, great blog. So glad I came across this entry tonight as I prepare a bible study for my 7 year old daughter…thank you for posting this!!!
I have been dressing Modest for 21 Years. I love it. I know it is the right way
I’m curious — as a woman who doesn’t wear dresses as a rule because it would be a hinderance at my job, what am I supposed to do about being ‘more feminine? And yes, I have considered wearing a dress or skirt outside of work, but cannot find one I feel comfortable wearing: they make me feel like I’m wearing a drapery curtain. I feel naked and exposed. In other words, I feel anything but feminine while wearing one.
So, this is a real quandray for me. I do my best, knowing I probably don’t measure up to most Christian standards.
I totally agree that Christian women should dress modestly and to teach our daughters the same.
One comment I have though as to dresses is that when these verses were written both men and women wore robe like apparel. Still today in many cultures men wear robes (Arab countries), that we would call dresses,and also what we would call skirts in other countries like Thiland etc. The Sikh’s India women and men wear very similar outfits. Women wear long tops and very baggy pants underneath. In all these countries (and many more countries)there are very Godly men and women wearing these clothes and they would be offended if we were to say our dresses are the only clothes women should wear.
If we want to be completely true to the culture and the time these verses were written then we need to wear what Sarah or Mary would have worn.
Bless you
I do not write this to offend but just to help keep this is proper perspective.
I am very happy to see that someone else isn’t afraid to stand up & say what is right! I happily wear my modest dress & skirts & tops. I do not wear pants because they pertain to a man. Other cultures may dress differently, but God did not set different standards for different regions. He set ONE and ONE only. I know that we all have different opinions & I do not wish to step on any toes. But I will always stand up for the Word of God no matter what.
May God bless you all to continue to bless His holy name!
Hi, I have struggled for sometime with the definition of modest dress…I started wearing dresses to honor my husband and then began to study the Bible on it…I do agree that women are suppose to dress distinctly different from men and in my culture that would mean modest dresses, skirts and tops…I think that ,ay be different for each culture….A women’s distinct dress may be different in other countries, but it is their distinct and modest dress that makes them obedient.
Great article! : ) Thanks for pointing out the robe thing Cindy I really like Trisha’s comment as well.
Helpful article! I appreciate it!
I am preparing to do a womens study on Christian women dressing . I have read the book dress for success, there should be a book intitled Dressing for the kingdom of God. We all want to be classified as Godly women, but do not want to follow the teachings that the Bible inspired by God teaches us. I thank God for true Godly women.
I agree with Traci and I just posted a note on my FB about being discouraged about the way women dress immodestly (esp. in church)! I found a book that I wanted our 16 yr. old daughter to read. She does usually dress very modestly, but is having some peer pressure and influence from current style trends we find so readily in the stores that are just not modest enough for me to approve of! This book is helping as well as input from some Godly women at our church and at our homeschool group! “Good Girls don’t have to Dress Bad” by Shari Braendel. She covers taking care of your body, but making yourself look lovely but modest! You might find it helpful? There are other books out there, but sometimes hard to find! God Bless, Debbie J. (Mother of 3 daughters and 4 grandaughters)
thank you for this blog! so difficult to find encouragement from Godly women in this world! i have three daughters and one son, and am trying to do my best and honor the good Lord in what i wear, say and do. thank you, as i’m striving to be a good example to my little ones, who God has trusted us with! again, thank you, and God bless!
I have been convicted hugely lately when I see how woman appear in church leaving nothing to the imagination. I do not want people to see me that way. Pastors wife NEVER dresses suggestively. I feel more comfortable when I dont wear revealing body parts “clothes”! Men feel more comfortable around me to. My husband trys to sit away from these woman who provoke impure thoughts as he trys to worship God. It’s like they want the adoration. That is idolotry in my oppinion. It is a destraction and a demonic strategy and assult on families even OF COURSE in the very church were God should be reverenced. AND we are supposed to be His temple EVERYWHERE we go!
I think the ‘dresses and skirts only’ mindset can become a trap of legalism. I live in a part of a North European country where most of us are practising Christians and I have seen a whole set of snobbery evolve around women seeing themselves as ‘better’ because they don’t wear pants. We’re all sinners – all of us. There are some parts of the world where dresses are restrictive, cold, impractical and even unsafe to wear, especially in the workplace, or where you’re volunteering.
I wear skirts, dresses and pants – all modestly cut; all definitely feminine. I belong to the Salvation Army and we wear modest uniform in church – it stops all the competitiveness about trying to wear fashionable and glamorous modest dress during worship. We also try not to wear makeup, jewelry and ornate nails – we’re in church to meet with God, not impress our friends.
Hi Helen
Anything can become legalistic. It doesn’t make the “thing” wrong, it’s the heart attitude behind it that is wrong. While I can see how there could be many interpretations or definitions of modesty: what I do not see is that the word of God has changed at all. It’s still the same, it’s our society and how it defines things that has changed. What was considered immodest (even scandalous!) a mere 60 – 100 years ago, is seen as the norm today. What changed? Our perception and definition, not the word of God.
I share my views as a point of consideration – some will agree, some won’t. That’s ok. I am not judging, I’m sharing my convictions and hope that by doing so I’m encouraging others.